Wednesday, February 1, 2012

In the beginning . . .

I turned 40 recently.  I know it's just a number, but it's a number that made me take inventory of my life.  I've been married nearly 16 years, have 2 children under the age of 10, have a dog and a cat.  We own our home in a nice neighborhood, have 2 cars and I get to be a stay-at-home mom.  Looks pretty perfect on paper.  I really am grateful for what I have, but that doesn't make it perfect.  Not by a long shot.

On my 40th birthday I stepped on the scales.  282 pounds.  I'm only 5'3.  I hate going out in public when I think I might see anyone I might know.  I don't want anyone to see me.  I don't want my children's friends to see me.  I don't want them to be teased because they have "the fat mom."  I cannot take them to the local amusement park.  I don't fit in the rides.  I want to travel, but I don't think I can fit in a plane seat.  I live in fear of having a heart attack and dying.  I don't want to leave my family; I want to see my grandchildren some day.

I am tired of being depressed.  I have been overweight most of my life and depressed just as long.  Only one period of my life has been depression free and lived at an almost normal weight.  Since I am clearly no longer 22, single or living in Europe, recreating the same circumstances is impossible.

So, since can't go back, I'm choosing to move forward.  I want to live my life, not watch it pass by.  My first goal is to be more active and eat better.  My ultimate goal is to lose 150 pound in the next 2 years.  I have already lost 6 pounds.  I love to craft and am working on several projects, none of which allow me to eat while doing.

Have since changed the Lost to Gone
The cake decorating - I know that seems rather counter productive, but the one time I've lost weight in recent years was when I was decorating a lot of cakes.  Working with them all the time really takes away my desire to eat them.  And since I know the local police department would welcome any I want to bring in, I don't have to wonder if they're going to go to waste or listen to my kids bugging me for cake.
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1 comment:

  1. PegsFebruary 1, 2012 at 9:54 AM

    Dear Diane,

    I fit in a plane seat, just barely, and I weigh 380 and am 5'7". I hope you lose the weight, and I hope I lose the weight. However, until you do, you must learn to like yourself no matter your size. I never go out wondering what people will think of my size, unless it's a restaurant, and I don't let my size interfere with what I want to do except for roller coasters which I definitely don't fit on. I do understand about not wanting some people to see you, however, if they see you laughing and having a good time, they won't see the weight. At least that's my philosophy. Now let's get our chins up and lose it for us!

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